Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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