u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
