mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
