and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
