I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
