some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
