hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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