The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
