then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
