What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
