Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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