I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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