He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
