I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
