I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
