It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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