we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
