i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
