shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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