my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the day after is always just damage control
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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