I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
