boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
