i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
