we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
