I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
