White coat. Heels.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You are the jesus of drinking
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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