You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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