you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
