I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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