if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
