I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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