I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
