in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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