ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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