so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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