his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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