Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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