She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Randomize