I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
