I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize