You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
