I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
