Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
