tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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