It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
