toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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