I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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