I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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