just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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