i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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