DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
