i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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