Your tits are I can't wait for
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize