u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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