You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
