if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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