Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
