At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
