Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
