I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
