Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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