do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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