Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
