We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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