so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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