the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
