This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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