so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Who did Billy Mays play for?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
