i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
